One day I'll catch up.

Believe it or not it's December. In fact, Christmas is on Sunday. I start college in a little less than 3 weeks. I am still shocked at how quickly time passes. I feel like my life has turned completely upside down, yet it is still exactly the same. I'm still living in the same house, the same city I have lived in the past 14 years of my life, but everything is different. Kaya turned 19 on Sunday, I got to talk to her for maybe 59 seconds. I miss her. I'm still waiting for it to seem like Christmas, maybe in a few days. One day i'll catch up. 

my heart and mind speak different languages.

Do you know the feeling when..... You feel like you should do something but you have no idea why? or, you have tried something a million times because you want it so bad and keep failing? Well, I know both of those feelings quite well. Graduating from high school, I was so excited to go travel, go to college in a different state, nanny in a foreign country, go on a long trip....really anything, I was ready for a change. Every single thing that I tried either didn't work out or didn't feel quite right. For a long time I was really frustrated and thought I was doing something wrong. Why wasn't anything I tried working out? I wanted it so badly, I was working hard to make it happen, I kept on popping the question, why? I have always been told everything happens for a reason, and I accept it and know that it's true. Through this process, I have learned (maybe even mastered... okay, not quite) patience, a quality I was immensely lacking. I still don't know or understand why I am suppose to be here in Provo Utah, but I know it's where I am suppose to be at this time. Who knows if I will ever find out why I am here, but I am going to keep a positive attitude and remember I can find happiness anywhere I go. 

"...The world is in need of your help. There are feet to steady, hands to grasp, minds to encourage, hearts to inspire, and souls to save..." -Thomas S. Monson

Thankful for Thanksgiving.

Over the past couple of days, I have been thinking a lot about what I am grateful for. I have been absolutely overwhelmed with gratitude. My entire life I have been blessed, I have always had a place to live, there has always been food available to me when I'm hungry, since I was 5 years old, I have been able to continue my education, I have always had a supportive safe household, I have always had shoes to put on my feet and clothes to keep me warm.. The list goes on and on, but these are a few of the basics that many of us take for granted and they may not even cross ones mind to be grateful for.   

Hearing about all the horrible things that are going on in the world right now makes my heart extremely heavy. It has brought to my attention once again how blessed I am, and how much I have been given to work with. I have the option to choose what I want to do with my life, what career path I want to take. I am going to take advantage of my advantages and try my best to make a difference. So often I hear about things that I want to change, but it seems like such a impossible task. The truth is, one person can make a ample difference in the world, for example look at Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Harriet Tubman. There are so many beautiful things God has given us, each and every one of us are blessed with unique talents and ability's. I am going to try to develop my talents further and use them the best I can to help and make a difference. If you are reading this, I encourage you to do the same. If one person has the ability to make such a remarkable difference, imagine what 100 people could do.

My sister Kaya has been such a great example to me of selflessness. She is devoting a year of her life to humanitarian work in Senegal, Africa! I love this video she put together of life in her village! Check out her blog here. She is remarkable.

Bucket List?

 Here it is, my never ending bucket list and reminders to myself. I come up with new things daily. Life is short, and I have so much I want to accomplish. Isn't it great how we can go and do what ever we choose?  Endless opportunities await! I suggest you write down your very own bucket list... it made me so excited actually seeing things I want to do/ accomplish. 

Adopt a Great Dane from a shelter

Save up $$ fly to the other side of the world, and travel around for 6 months with no agenda.

Live in Italy or France for one year, become fluent in the language.

Start my own charity or be actively involved in one.

Fall madly in love with someone and be happily married for eternity.

Adopt a child.

Have a big family!

Be successful and happy in whatever career path I choose.

Actively practice positive thinking.

Volunteer in a orphanage and make improvements until it is 100% better, no matter how long it takes.

If my life becomes mundane, change something. 

Make it a goal to visit and talk to my family often if we are far apart. 

Do things that spark my creativity and inspire me.

Remember the cure to stress or a bad day- light candles, turn on relaxing music, and drink a hot cup of tea, (a massage is always a plus). 

Be someone who I would want to spend time with.

Eat healthy and take care of my body.

Keep a journal, write down when and why I am happy..

Remember to appreciated the beauty that surrounds me daily.

Have horses one day..

Live in a BIG city for a while.

Stand on the Great Wall of China.

Sit and meditate while looking over Machu Picchu.

Go on a boat through Amazon River in Brazil, spend a night in one of the river tree houses- try not to get eaten by a snake or wild animal of some sort. 

Go skydiving.

Attend a World Cup.

Hike Mt. Everest... haha, just kidding!

Successfully go in a shark cage with Kaya - last time didn't count. 

Give gifts/ donations no matter my financial situation; remember to be charitable. 

Center my life around God, and persistently work to be a better person.

Take a trip to Greece exclusively with Kaya.

Ride a Elephant.

Learn to play the guitar and sing.

Make a effort to keep in contact with friends.

Live by the beach at some point.

Count my blessings daily.

Warm weather is always good.

Go snowboarding at least once a year, it's fun even when you a terrible.

Go to the north of Sweden around Christmas time- See the northern lights and pet a reindeer.

Speak Swedish fluently. 

Have a camera on hand at all times. 

Learn to love camping. 

Dance - it makes me happy. 

Live a happy life. 

to be continued.... 

I'm moving to THAILAND?!?!

I have been waiting to hear the news for about a month now, and I am so excited to share with you all, I will be moving to Thailand in August for 5 months!

 

Let me start from the beginning.... Ever since I left Sweden last January, I have been craving more travel. Seeing Kaya go to India as well as Africa made me not only want to travel more, but make a difference in someones life. I started researching different programs and found many of them are far out my price range. My mom told me a program called ILP (International Language Program) that is based in Utah. They are affordable, and just what I was looking for!

 

I will be traveling to the other side of the world with around 15-20 other people my age. I will be spending my 5 months there teaching elementary aged children English! This trip will be good for so many reasons, some of those being, being able to teach the kids English, which will aide them exceedingly in their future, being able to see another part of the world (a very beautiful part I may add), gaining a new perspective on life and culture, last but not least, meeting new people who share common interests and goals. 

I've had countless people tell me that I am crazy for wanting to move to another country where I know no one.  My answer to that is, I feel happiest when I am experiencing new things and put myself out of my comfort zone, it is a tremendous growing experience that I think everyone should experience at least once in their life. At this point in my life, I have nothing tying me down, so, I am going to experience, learn, enjoy and love every second of it! I am absolutely thrilled!

life is art.

my journey - my faith

I have gone through a tremendous growing experience in the past year. I have so many emotions flowing through my mind and heart as I write this, I feel like a can not fully express myself, but I will try my best. I was in a completely new environment surrounded by people who didn't believe in God, it was a wake up call for me, and I doubted my own beliefs, I questioned if they were my own or just what I have been told. I have gone though many internal struggles questioning, if God was real, how could he let so many horrible things happen.  

I was frustrated, I hated to see Christians judging others harshly, I hated to see lies and harsh words. I let those situations doubt my loyalty to religion. I wanted so badly to find the 'perfect religion' but in the end I was looking from the completely wrong perspective. Christ is our role model, yet we all make mistakes, so why was I focusing on peoples mistakes rather than focusing on what's really important, actively trying to support one another towards becoming Christ like. 

I can now say for myself I have a firm belief that there is a God. There have been countless times I have had answers to my prayers, far too many to attribute to coincidence. He has been helping hand when I felt I couldn't do it on my own, guidance when I felt lost of confused, and a sense of peace when I felt uneasy. 

I pray for those who don't believe there is a God, not because I believe they will be condemned if they don't believe in God, but, I want them to have the support and sense of peace I feel when I am close to God. I can't imagine the pain I would feel if I lost a loved one believing I would never see them again, believing this life on earth was it. I pray for those who are hurting, whether it's physical or emotional. I pray for opportunities to serve others. I pray for our leaders to be guided for the welfare of the people rather than selfishness or pride. I pray that those who have gone through similar experiences as I have who have judged their beliefs hardly will have their hearts softened just as I have. 

My point in writing this is to remind myself of my spiritual journey I have gone through in the past year. To remind myself and others that we have no place to judge one another, whether your Christian or Atheist  Heterosexual or Homosexual, we are all children of God and have not the slightest clue what each person has experienced and will experience. Thank goodness we are in the hands of God, who has endless love for every single one of us. It's so comforting to know I always have someone to turn to for support no matter the circumstance. 

Sometimes a good cry, a talk with my wonderful mother, and a little problem solving, changes my whole perspective. Even hard times have a good outcome, personal growth. 

who knows.

- I hate confrontation. I hate confrontation. I hate confrontation. I hate confrontation. I hate confrontation.
-  I don't mind having alone time.
- My dog is the coolest.
- I've been paranoid that the guy who was scoping out our neighborhood will break in, while I'm alone, I probably check the locks on the door at least 3 times.
-  I'm am so glad I'm at a completely new chapter of my life.
- I miss Kaya every single day, but time has been flying by.
- There are a lot of great people, everywhere.
- I have more hope.
- There are so many people I want to go visit.. (aka. my father (Arizona), Linnea (Sweden), Kate (North Carolina), Kaya (Africa), and the list goes on and on...)
- I want to go on a cruise for Christmas.
- I force myself to do things I don't want to do to benefit me in the future.
- I have been anxiously awaiting a email for weeks now.
- Candles are the most relaxing thing to fall asleep to.
- My cat is 13 years old and hates me.
- When my bedroom is messy, I sleep terribly.
- Everyday I remind myself I want to be someone who effects others in a positive way. Yet, it is so easy to get caught up in my personal worries or selfishness that I realize I am being the opposite of what I want to be.
- The human body and brain functions blow my mind. How did you do it, God?
- I want to take a art class, I love drawing and painting, even though most days I feel like don't even have a ounce of creativity in me.
- Every time I meet/ see someone I wonder what their background is.
- I dream of traveling the world.
- I think beards look really good on some people and terrible on others.
- I admire my sister for serving so many people in her lifetime.
- I wish everyone's priority in life was enjoyment, developing talents, and forming good relationships/ helping others, rather than focusing on money and just getting by.
- It makes me so happy when I talk to people who are truly genuine. I would gladly go with out fake human interactions, they are too, fake.
- Sometimes when people try to be unique or different, they just end up being unoriginal and cookie cutter sort. We are all by nature unique and completely different, there is no need to try to change ourselves to be different.
- Some days I feel so distant from everything. I don't understand anyone and no one understands me.
- 'Life Is Beautiful' is one of my very favorite films, makes me cry every time, but is so touching. I highly recommend it.
- Wrapping a scarf around my neck, putting boots on my feet, walking outside and feeling the crisp air on my face and the crunching leaves under my feet.. makes me feel happiness.
- I want to carve pumpkins and make caramel apples.
- I am amazed how kind and charitable my neighbors are.... I can't even believe it.
- I think that's all for now.

fragile.

Life is a fragile thing. In the blink of an eye someone can be gone, we then re- run all our memories with that person, bad and good, we wish we could change things, see them one last time and apologize for the mistakes we made, make amends. We are human. It is our nature, we procrastinate, we think we are invincible or somehow different but really in our subconscious mind we know we are just like the rest, we are fragile, and we take everything for granted. 

I was in a car accident last night. Luckily no one was seriously injured. In fact my car was the only car that took the beating. It went a little bit like this, I was driving along University Ave. in the rain, all of the sudden the car in front of me slammed on their brakes (because the car in front of them hadn't been paying attention and was trying to stop for the red light), immediately I did the same, my car slid at least 4 to 5 feet and hit the car in front of me.

I hurt. My neck and head have been hurting since last night. But, I have nothing to complain about. This accident made me realize how many times my life could have been taken away in the blink of an eye. The front of my car was crunched with not very much impact. I can't imagine what could of happened if I got in a crash going 70 mph on the freeway, it would be fatal. 

Give a loved one a hug, apologize, be kind to everyone you encounter. If you can do it today, don't save it for tomorrow, because as sad as it is, there may be no tomorrow. 

Therapeutic drive through the mountains.

We took a Sunday drive and I thought it would be fun to make a little video. Please excuse the poor video quality and my shaky hand. The scenery was unreal. 

sunny sunday

Today has been perfect. Last night I fell asleep feeling sick and woke up feeling better than ever. I spent my afternoon reading, listening to music, spending time with family and making some delicious fish tacos with mango salsa. Maybe I should clean my disaster of a room now.. The only thing missing today is Kaya, she will be home soon enough. I should have more days like these. 

Cozy season.

Fall is in the air, the mountains are beautiful shades of warm colors. I love autumn; crisp air, scarfs & boots, pumpkin, the over all atmosphere is so cozy. Every day I find myself thinking about the future. I feel very hopeful. I am set on living my life in a way I enjoy, I will not just get by, I will thrive. Money; it would be nice to have but my number one goal is to enjoy what I do. If I enjoy what I do, money will fall in place, behind my passion. One day, I will spend my days traveling, photographing, writing and seeing. I already love it. 

Today.

Woke up early. Went up Hobble Creek Canyon, where Lauren and I did a little photo shoot. Came home, grabbed camera, and drove to rock canyon. Watched the sun come over the mountains, and took some pictures. Went to work. Lunch at Einstein Bagels. Home to edit some photos. Work again. Home. Pumpkin smoothies with best friend. Today is a good day. 

inspiration.

Lately I have felt so inspired. There are so many beautiful, unique, exquisite things that surround me daily. 

Everything has been suddenly hitting me. I have been soaking everything in, thinking about what type of person I want to be, my dreams and goals, what makes me truly happy.  

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Every day I wake up feeling so extremely blessed to be part of such a amazing family. My mom is the most, hard working, positive, strong, thoughtful person that I know. My sister Kaya, she is the most forgiving, loving, caring, inspiring person I will ever meet. They have set a extremely high bar for me, I would be happy to become half the woman they are. How in the world did I get so lucky? 

(I took this picture of Kaya walking along the beach while we were visiting Hawaii last year. I was really happy with how it 

turned out considering it was sort of a 'accidental shot')

head.shoulders.knees.toes.

the light that shines through

For it is that, that makes me wonder. 

Minds are racing, yet some so absent from reality. 

Existence what is it; it's all the same. Stop. We live in our own perceptions

lacking the creativity that once was our nature, feeding off each other; wild animals we are.

Class; some glorious beings behold,

yet no one really understands what it means. 

We are all here for the same purpose... the same, but all so different

so why is it that we mold into one form; rather a array of vibrant people

it all gets washed away-- dullness is what it has become.

The liveliness passes through another dimension, unreachable.

Shattered pieces shine through, giving  hope to those who have lost it.

Those are pieces of potential; the rebirth of the society, the rebirth of me. 

cheetah print

Last night, Katy was kind enough to let me do her make up, hair and take pictures of her.

This was my first attempt at doing such a thing... I had so much fun!

Although, due to the fact we took the pictures at 11 at night a lot of lighting was needed.

Our set up was pretty hilarious, and as ghetto as you can imagine. 

I should have taken a picture, dang it. Oh well, here's the outcome.

3dstreetchalkart

I have always thought chalk/street/3D art is the coolest thing. I hope one day to see such things with my own two eyes, but in the mean time, I enjoy looking at pictures. So amazing! 

(Kaya sent me this one- located in Senegal Africa) 

They call me loco.

Some days I doubt my sanity. 

I am not one to sit and think things through for months or even weeks.

I guess you could say I'm more of the spontaneous type. 

This is one thing that I know drives my mother insane. 

She is one to think out all the logistics and facts before making a decision. 

She's very practical. I'm the opposite, I do look at the facts.. briefly, maybe not enough. 

I have also realized I am not the fearful type either. This is something my sister and I have in common. 

-I would love to go skydiving.

-Kaya and I got on a boat to go in a shark cage, unfortunately due to the weather we would have gotten eaten by sharks if we got in the cage- therefore that plan didn't go through. 

-I would gladly jump on a plane and move to a foreign country. 

-I'm not afraid to die (to a degree, if I could avoid dying that would be nice)

With that said, I change my mind/ plans quite often and frequently. 

This past week I have changed my plans completely. I feel very confident, happy, and stoked about my decisions. 

I'm not going to share them yet with the cyber world because they aren't set in stone, but, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. The moment I find out if these plans do go through, I will be sure to blog about them! 

Now... I collect a variety of random pictures on my phone- enjoy! 

This book has inspired my resent 'plans' 

This is what my wardrobe consists of when i'm home. Sad, but true. 

I got to skype with Kaya! It's so fun to hear about all her adventures in Africa. 

Until next time, friends. 

last days of summer...

I have been really enjoying these last days of the summer heat. 

Today, K and I went to a festival, ate a mango and soaked up the sun. 

On the way home, I pulled over to take some pictures in a beautiful field covered in sunflowers. 

Thanks model, for always letting me take pictures of you. 

why are you here?

So many people are unsure of why they are here.... on earth.  

How many people live day to day without thinking about what they are becoming

and if they a really making the world a 'better place'?
Are you one of those people? 

- What is my purpose? Why am I here? I should probably give those two questions more thought everyday. -

there's a whole world out there!

Maybe my optimism is at it's worst today. Being sick is not in the least bit fun. Although, I have had a lot of sluggish/ laying-in-bed-all-day time on my hands which has lead to a lot of thinking.

Sometimes I cringe at the thought that I could be living in Paris right now. In my own cute little apartment, learning French, nannying 3 hours and having the rest of the day to myself. Yes, that was my plan until I found out I had to be 18 to get a visa.
 What a disappointing day that was.

I have never understood how people can stay stationary their entire lives. There is a whole world out there, there is so much to see, so much to experience. In my lifetime I want to experience and see as much as possible. I want to go to Thailand, Bali, Japan, Africa, South America, the UK, Greece, Spain, Australia, Fiji, the list goes on and on... I have made a promise to myself- I am going to pack up, move to another country, learn their language, and completely immerse myself in the culture for a year or more. The 4 months I spent in Sweden wasn't enough, it just left me longing for more.

what if...

What if we said a kind word to everyone we encountered?

What if we never placed a judgement on anyone, and treated everyone equally?

What if we stopped thinking what others think about us, take a second to look around....

We might find someone who needs a compliment, ask how they are doing, tell them you care, maybe something as simple as a smile could change the course of their day, week, maybe even their life. 

Every single person has their own struggles they face everyday. 

So why focus on ourselves when it doesn't do us or anyone else good?

Why not take a second, and put someone else before ourselves?

It could make all the difference in the world, when it is just a small gesture on your part. 

"Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up."  ~Jesse Jackson

it's monday.

Things that are great and deserve recognition:
- It's HOT outside. I'm a quite alright with summer sticking around a little longer in Utah, considering half the year is cold cold cold.
- Being able to talk to Kaya while she is in San Francisco for training. It is gradually easing me into talking to my sister about once a month rather than multiple times a day.
- Staying home, sleeping in, and frankly doing anything my little heart desires while everyone else is finishing up their last year of high school. I have said it before, and I will say it again, I am very pleased with my decision to graduate a year early.
- Knowing what I am going to do career wise- if you haven't heard, I am on my way to becoming a neonatal nurse practitioner!
- My hair is getting long (which I've been working on for almost a year now).
- Beautiful sunsets- note the picture above.
- Last but not least, it's Monday and I have a whole new week ahead of me! 

A tout a l'heure

In other words....see you later. 

My mom and I dropped Kaya off at the airport this morning.  

On the drive home my mom said, "what will we do with out her?" I then said, "what I am suppose to do today now that she's gone?!" It dawned on me, she has always been such a huge part of my life and has impacted me in so many ways. It already feels odd having her gone. 

She's off to have some grand adventures, and I am more than excited for her. 

change.change.change.change.

Change. Change. Change, is over us now.

I always am at a loss for words when I start blogging. 

Decisions are clouding my thoughts, and change is just around the corner. 

I have always loved change. I love moving. I love making new friends. I love going new places, seeing new things. Sometimes I even rearrange my room just to have a little bit of change in my life. 

Kaya is leaving for her 10 month adventure to Africa in less than a week. I tell myself 10 months will fly by, but at the same time I can't help but think, a lot can change in 10 months. What will I do when I need someone to talk to, someone who will make me laugh tell I cry, someone who I tell everything to, someone to tell me I am being ridiculous, someone to understand me or even read my thoughts, someone I can cry to, someone who will stand me singing horribly in the car and maybe even join in, someone to give me advise, what will I do with out my sister? my best friend? my go to girl? I know I will be fine. I know she will be having a once in a life time experience, blessing those in her presence. I sure will miss her, very much. 

For quite a while I have been trying to decide what I want to do school and career wise. I finally came to a decision that I am really excited about and feel fits me perfectly. I am going to eventually become a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner! I will blog more about this once I get all the logistics figured out. 

In the meantime I am spending time with family, working here and there and soaking up the sun while it lasts. 

This summer has been a unique one, and it has flown by. 

I am not going to try to explain everything I have done, that would take far too long and might end up being a little boring. But I have learned something that seems fairly simple, but I have never put much effort or thought into. Time. The past couple of years have gone by so quickly, I feel like I can barely keep up. Things are constantly changing. I have been trying to enjoy every single moment while it lasts, because all these wonderful moments I am experiencing are once in a life time, they will never occur again. 

Kaya is leaving for Africa in two and a half weeks. It doesn't seem real. It's going to be a struggle to loose my absolute best friend for a whole 10 months. 

It has hit me that in two weeks the whole dynamic of our family is going to change. It will just be my mom and  I for 10 months. When Kaya gets back, we will both be out living on our own. Everything will be different. It makes me a little bit sad and regretful that I haven't appreciated these moments together as a family as much as I could have. 

I am making a change with in myself, appreciating everything. 

Cheers to enjoying every single moment in time; even the tough ones. 

I am grateful and happy, and it feels good. 

Moments captured of my phone of my summer thus far....

 

 

                          

satisfied.

I'm really happy and content right now.

This week has been great.

I love my job, and the people I work with. 

The weather has been lovely. Having a free schedule is great, I have gone to a couple concerts, enjoyed the outdoors and started going on nightly runs (which I actually look forward to, shocking.) 

Kaya found out she will be spending the next 10 months of her life in Senegal, Africa.

I am beyond excited for her. She has been dreaming of going to Africa for years now and she is actually going in August! It will be such an amazing experience for her, I can't wait to hear about all of her adventures, also she will be learning French! How cool! 

It's so odd to look back at the past couple of years at my old self and see how I have grown and changed. I am happy. I don't care what other people think of me. This past year I have come to realize that family is one of the most important things and I need to work harder to form better relations with not only my immediate family but also my extended family. I have found things that I am passionate about. I love traveling, and I have made a vow to myself that I am going to travel the world. I don't care if I have to live frugally for months to save up money, It's so worth it. I want to make a change, a impact, I want to make a difference whether it's big or small. I admire Kaya that she has already found many ways to make a difference. There is a satisfaction and happiness that comes when I help others that I can't describe, it's wonderful. I want to leave a mark, a difference, I want to leave this world giving rather than taking. 

last but not least, I like this song. It has been on repeat for the past week or so.