the light that shines through

For it is that, that makes me wonder. 

Minds are racing, yet some so absent from reality. 

Existence what is it; it's all the same. Stop. We live in our own perceptions

lacking the creativity that once was our nature, feeding off each other; wild animals we are.

Class; some glorious beings behold,

yet no one really understands what it means. 

We are all here for the same purpose... the same, but all so different

so why is it that we mold into one form; rather a array of vibrant people

it all gets washed away-- dullness is what it has become.

The liveliness passes through another dimension, unreachable.

Shattered pieces shine through, giving  hope to those who have lost it.

Those are pieces of potential; the rebirth of the society, the rebirth of me. 

cheetah print

Last night, Katy was kind enough to let me do her make up, hair and take pictures of her.

This was my first attempt at doing such a thing... I had so much fun!

Although, due to the fact we took the pictures at 11 at night a lot of lighting was needed.

Our set up was pretty hilarious, and as ghetto as you can imagine. 

I should have taken a picture, dang it. Oh well, here's the outcome.

3dstreetchalkart

I have always thought chalk/street/3D art is the coolest thing. I hope one day to see such things with my own two eyes, but in the mean time, I enjoy looking at pictures. So amazing! 

(Kaya sent me this one- located in Senegal Africa) 

They call me loco.

Some days I doubt my sanity. 

I am not one to sit and think things through for months or even weeks.

I guess you could say I'm more of the spontaneous type. 

This is one thing that I know drives my mother insane. 

She is one to think out all the logistics and facts before making a decision. 

She's very practical. I'm the opposite, I do look at the facts.. briefly, maybe not enough. 

I have also realized I am not the fearful type either. This is something my sister and I have in common. 

-I would love to go skydiving.

-Kaya and I got on a boat to go in a shark cage, unfortunately due to the weather we would have gotten eaten by sharks if we got in the cage- therefore that plan didn't go through. 

-I would gladly jump on a plane and move to a foreign country. 

-I'm not afraid to die (to a degree, if I could avoid dying that would be nice)

With that said, I change my mind/ plans quite often and frequently. 

This past week I have changed my plans completely. I feel very confident, happy, and stoked about my decisions. 

I'm not going to share them yet with the cyber world because they aren't set in stone, but, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. The moment I find out if these plans do go through, I will be sure to blog about them! 

Now... I collect a variety of random pictures on my phone- enjoy! 

This book has inspired my resent 'plans' 

This is what my wardrobe consists of when i'm home. Sad, but true. 

I got to skype with Kaya! It's so fun to hear about all her adventures in Africa. 

Until next time, friends. 

last days of summer...

I have been really enjoying these last days of the summer heat. 

Today, K and I went to a festival, ate a mango and soaked up the sun. 

On the way home, I pulled over to take some pictures in a beautiful field covered in sunflowers. 

Thanks model, for always letting me take pictures of you. 

why are you here?

So many people are unsure of why they are here.... on earth.  

How many people live day to day without thinking about what they are becoming

and if they a really making the world a 'better place'?
Are you one of those people? 

- What is my purpose? Why am I here? I should probably give those two questions more thought everyday. -

there's a whole world out there!

Maybe my optimism is at it's worst today. Being sick is not in the least bit fun. Although, I have had a lot of sluggish/ laying-in-bed-all-day time on my hands which has lead to a lot of thinking.

Sometimes I cringe at the thought that I could be living in Paris right now. In my own cute little apartment, learning French, nannying 3 hours and having the rest of the day to myself. Yes, that was my plan until I found out I had to be 18 to get a visa.
 What a disappointing day that was.

I have never understood how people can stay stationary their entire lives. There is a whole world out there, there is so much to see, so much to experience. In my lifetime I want to experience and see as much as possible. I want to go to Thailand, Bali, Japan, Africa, South America, the UK, Greece, Spain, Australia, Fiji, the list goes on and on... I have made a promise to myself- I am going to pack up, move to another country, learn their language, and completely immerse myself in the culture for a year or more. The 4 months I spent in Sweden wasn't enough, it just left me longing for more.

what if...

What if we said a kind word to everyone we encountered?

What if we never placed a judgement on anyone, and treated everyone equally?

What if we stopped thinking what others think about us, take a second to look around....

We might find someone who needs a compliment, ask how they are doing, tell them you care, maybe something as simple as a smile could change the course of their day, week, maybe even their life. 

Every single person has their own struggles they face everyday. 

So why focus on ourselves when it doesn't do us or anyone else good?

Why not take a second, and put someone else before ourselves?

It could make all the difference in the world, when it is just a small gesture on your part. 

"Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up."  ~Jesse Jackson

it's monday.

Things that are great and deserve recognition:
- It's HOT outside. I'm a quite alright with summer sticking around a little longer in Utah, considering half the year is cold cold cold.
- Being able to talk to Kaya while she is in San Francisco for training. It is gradually easing me into talking to my sister about once a month rather than multiple times a day.
- Staying home, sleeping in, and frankly doing anything my little heart desires while everyone else is finishing up their last year of high school. I have said it before, and I will say it again, I am very pleased with my decision to graduate a year early.
- Knowing what I am going to do career wise- if you haven't heard, I am on my way to becoming a neonatal nurse practitioner!
- My hair is getting long (which I've been working on for almost a year now).
- Beautiful sunsets- note the picture above.
- Last but not least, it's Monday and I have a whole new week ahead of me! 

A tout a l'heure

In other words....see you later. 

My mom and I dropped Kaya off at the airport this morning.  

On the drive home my mom said, "what will we do with out her?" I then said, "what I am suppose to do today now that she's gone?!" It dawned on me, she has always been such a huge part of my life and has impacted me in so many ways. It already feels odd having her gone. 

She's off to have some grand adventures, and I am more than excited for her. 

change.change.change.change.

Change. Change. Change, is over us now.

I always am at a loss for words when I start blogging. 

Decisions are clouding my thoughts, and change is just around the corner. 

I have always loved change. I love moving. I love making new friends. I love going new places, seeing new things. Sometimes I even rearrange my room just to have a little bit of change in my life. 

Kaya is leaving for her 10 month adventure to Africa in less than a week. I tell myself 10 months will fly by, but at the same time I can't help but think, a lot can change in 10 months. What will I do when I need someone to talk to, someone who will make me laugh tell I cry, someone who I tell everything to, someone to tell me I am being ridiculous, someone to understand me or even read my thoughts, someone I can cry to, someone who will stand me singing horribly in the car and maybe even join in, someone to give me advise, what will I do with out my sister? my best friend? my go to girl? I know I will be fine. I know she will be having a once in a life time experience, blessing those in her presence. I sure will miss her, very much. 

For quite a while I have been trying to decide what I want to do school and career wise. I finally came to a decision that I am really excited about and feel fits me perfectly. I am going to eventually become a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner! I will blog more about this once I get all the logistics figured out. 

In the meantime I am spending time with family, working here and there and soaking up the sun while it lasts. 

This summer has been a unique one, and it has flown by. 

I am not going to try to explain everything I have done, that would take far too long and might end up being a little boring. But I have learned something that seems fairly simple, but I have never put much effort or thought into. Time. The past couple of years have gone by so quickly, I feel like I can barely keep up. Things are constantly changing. I have been trying to enjoy every single moment while it lasts, because all these wonderful moments I am experiencing are once in a life time, they will never occur again. 

Kaya is leaving for Africa in two and a half weeks. It doesn't seem real. It's going to be a struggle to loose my absolute best friend for a whole 10 months. 

It has hit me that in two weeks the whole dynamic of our family is going to change. It will just be my mom and  I for 10 months. When Kaya gets back, we will both be out living on our own. Everything will be different. It makes me a little bit sad and regretful that I haven't appreciated these moments together as a family as much as I could have. 

I am making a change with in myself, appreciating everything. 

Cheers to enjoying every single moment in time; even the tough ones. 

I am grateful and happy, and it feels good. 

Moments captured of my phone of my summer thus far....

 

 

                          

satisfied.

I'm really happy and content right now.

This week has been great.

I love my job, and the people I work with. 

The weather has been lovely. Having a free schedule is great, I have gone to a couple concerts, enjoyed the outdoors and started going on nightly runs (which I actually look forward to, shocking.) 

Kaya found out she will be spending the next 10 months of her life in Senegal, Africa.

I am beyond excited for her. She has been dreaming of going to Africa for years now and she is actually going in August! It will be such an amazing experience for her, I can't wait to hear about all of her adventures, also she will be learning French! How cool! 

It's so odd to look back at the past couple of years at my old self and see how I have grown and changed. I am happy. I don't care what other people think of me. This past year I have come to realize that family is one of the most important things and I need to work harder to form better relations with not only my immediate family but also my extended family. I have found things that I am passionate about. I love traveling, and I have made a vow to myself that I am going to travel the world. I don't care if I have to live frugally for months to save up money, It's so worth it. I want to make a change, a impact, I want to make a difference whether it's big or small. I admire Kaya that she has already found many ways to make a difference. There is a satisfaction and happiness that comes when I help others that I can't describe, it's wonderful. I want to leave a mark, a difference, I want to leave this world giving rather than taking. 

last but not least, I like this song. It has been on repeat for the past week or so. 

thinking.

"...... for us physicists believe the separation between past, present, and future is only an illusion, although a convincing one."

Time is such a odd thing, sometimes it passes quickly, sometimes slowly. Sometimes it seems everything is going right, at other times it seems like everything is falling apart. I don't understand time, or why things happen when they do. But I know it is all part of a plan. Eventually leading up to something great. 

I've been thinking about emotions a lot lately. Most emotions are responses to perception-what you think is true about a given situation. If your perception is false, then your emotional response to it will be false too. As humans, we are often wrong. Sometimes we perceive things differently than what they really are. What if our perception to every single situation was positive, all of our emotions would be positive. That's a nice thought. We are completely in control of our emotions, but we just have to double check and make sure our perception is focused in a positive direction. 

summers of the past.

This is where I spent the majority of my time every summer, growing up. I miss it. 

disappointments.

Life is full of disappointments. 

In fact, sometimes I feel like things get good just so they can quickly turn around and life can look at how vulnerable you are and have a good long laugh. 

Today specifically has made me grateful my happiness comes from within myself. 

Although outside things can easily effect my mood and perspective, the outside is not my only source of happiness. Today has not been happy, in fact I can't remember the last time I shed this many tears. 

I still have many things to be happy about, I have wonderful friends, a loving family, a house to live in, a job, sunshine, a bright future and so much more. Maybe all things eventually work out, maybe they don't. I guess all I can do right now is hope for the best and be glad that I shared a happy month with a happy person. 

In the meantime, let's listen to some french music.

Recap of May to the beginning of June.

I have been a terrible blogger. I always have a problem where I have so much on my mind, I don't know how to share it all. So, I skip blogging all together. But I will try to do a short recap and then hopefully get better at updating this more often! To start off, I graduated!! It has been such a wonderful realization that I will not be going back to high school next year. Now, my future is all up to me, I can go in what ever direction I choose. That sense of independence makes me happy. 

This kid, Tanner Williams has made me so much happier, I didn't know it was possible, but voila it happened! :) 

The weather has been perfect. There has been quite a few rainy days, but also a lot of sunshine. Resulting in green everywhere and beautiful flowers. I absolutely love summertime in Utah. 

Yesterday, I returned from a weekend getaway to Oregon. My friend Katy's boyfriend, Tim graduated. So I tagged along with her. It was so beautiful there and again, perfect weather. One day, I am going to live somewhere that has year round summer weather. 

I feel like I have been to a million, give of take a few, graduations this month! 

no longer.

Colors Trapped 

Colorful strokes, filling the air, surrounding me,

telling me to be something

roboting movements moving me forward

in the same direction,

no distractions... 

That one.... pushing me, molding me

to fit the figure it longs to have

I am excape 

out of this darkness

where the colors will live 

They are trapped,

locked

with no self expression

This was written last year. Thankfully this is now just a poem, not an emotion. 

gratitude journal.

I started a gratitude journal because I am grateful for so many things. I decorated it to look like this. 

I like the scenery. I like the song. Last but not least I like dance. Enjoy.

Scatterbrained

I have been running around like a crazy person all week long trying to get everything ready so I am able to graduate on time. I apologize for this post, it probably makes no sense, considering I have lost my mind. But I have some exciting news! I am graduating in exactly one week from today! I am more than excited, I am ecstatic! Oh and other good news! Levi, Kaya's lover got his mission call today! He is going to Hong Kong China! I am so excited for him. The Month of May has been filled with so many wonderful things, and much more to come! :) 

I love to dance dance dance

It all started off at the beginning of my Sophmore year when I had this crazy thought pop into my head that maybe it would be fun to join the dance team at my school. Miraculously I made the team. Ever since my love for dance has matured. As all of you all probably know, because I talk about this subject way too much, I went to Folkuniversitetet and was part of their dance program in Linköping Sweden. I believe that is where I fell in love with dance. I am not saying by any means that I am a prodigy or even 'good' for that matter. But it makes me so incredibly happy, it doesn't matter if I'm amazing or not. What matters is I have fun doing it!

My wonderful dance coach and teacher Mrs. Fullmer was the one who really pushed me to start dancing. She encouraged me to stick with it even when I wanted to quit. If it weren't for her I would have a undiscovered joy in my life. If it weren't for her I wouldn't have attended Folkuniversitetet, which means I would have missed out on all the amazing experiences I had there. I would have never met one of the most amazing people I have met in my entire life, Linnea...... Fullmer, I owe you big time.