My mom and I dropped Kaya off at the airport this morning.
On the drive home my mom said, "what will we do with out her?" I then said, "what I am suppose to do today now that she's gone?!" It dawned on me, she has always been such a huge part of my life and has impacted me in so many ways. It already feels odd having her gone.
She's off to have some grand adventures, and I am more than excited for her.
I always am at a loss for words when I start blogging.
Decisions are clouding my thoughts, and change is just around the corner.
I have always loved change. I love moving. I love making new friends. I love going new places, seeing new things. Sometimes I even rearrange my room just to have a little bit of change in my life.
Kaya is leaving for her 10 month adventure to Africa in less than a week. I tell myself 10 months will fly by, but at the same time I can't help but think, a lot can change in 10 months. What will I do when I need someone to talk to, someone who will make me laugh tell I cry, someone who I tell everything to, someone to tell me I am being ridiculous, someone to understand me or even read my thoughts, someone I can cry to, someone who will stand me singing horribly in the car and maybe even join in, someone to give me advise, what will I do with out my sister? my best friend? my go to girl? I know I will be fine. I know she will be having a once in a life time experience, blessing those in her presence. I sure will miss her, very much.
For quite a while I have been trying to decide what I want to do school and career wise. I finally came to a decision that I am really excited about and feel fits me perfectly. I am going to eventually become a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner! I will blog more about this once I get all the logistics figured out.
In the meantime I am spending time with family, working here and there and soaking up the sun while it lasts.
7.28.2011
This summer has been a unique one, and it has flown by.
I am not going to try to explain everything I have done, that would take far too long and might end up being a little boring. But I have learned something that seems fairly simple, but I have never put much effort or thought into. Time. The past couple of years have gone by so quickly, I feel like I can barely keep up. Things are constantly changing. I have been trying to enjoy every single moment while it lasts, because all these wonderful moments I am experiencing are once in a life time, they will never occur again.
Kaya is leaving for Africa in two and a half weeks. It doesn't seem real. It's going to be a struggle to loose my absolute best friend for a whole 10 months.
It has hit me that in two weeks the whole dynamic of our family is going to change. It will just be my mom and I for 10 months. When Kaya gets back, we will both be out living on our own. Everything will be different. It makes me a little bit sad and regretful that I haven't appreciated these moments together as a family as much as I could have.
I am making a change with in myself, appreciating everything.
Cheers to enjoying every single moment in time; even the tough ones.
I am grateful and happy, and it feels good.
Moments captured of my phone of my summer thus far....
The weather has been lovely. Having a free schedule is great, I have gone to a couple concerts, enjoyed the outdoors and started going on nightly runs (which I actually look forward to, shocking.)
Kaya found out she will be spending the next 10 months of her life in Senegal, Africa.
I am beyond excited for her. She has been dreaming of going to Africa for years now and she is actually going in August! It will be such an amazing experience for her, I can't wait to hear about all of her adventures, also she will be learning French! How cool!
It's so odd to look back at the past couple of years at my old self and see how I have grown and changed. I am happy. I don't care what other people think of me. This past year I have come to realize that family is one of the most important things and I need to work harder to form better relations with not only my immediate family but also my extended family. I have found things that I am passionate about. I love traveling, and I have made a vow to myself that I am going to travel the world. I don't care if I have to live frugally for months to save up money, It's so worth it. I want to make a change, a impact, I want to make a difference whether it's big or small. I admire Kaya that she has already found many ways to make a difference. There is a satisfaction and happiness that comes when I help others that I can't describe, it's wonderful. I want to leave a mark, a difference, I want to leave this world giving rather than taking.
last but not least, I like this song. It has been on repeat for the past week or so.
"...... for us physicists believe the separation between past, present, and future is only an illusion, although a convincing one."
Time is such a odd thing, sometimes it passes quickly, sometimes slowly. Sometimes it seems everything is going right, at other times it seems like everything is falling apart. I don't understand time, or why things happen when they do. But I know it is all part of a plan. Eventually leading up to something great.
I've been thinking about emotions a lot lately. Most emotions are responses to perception-what you think is true about a given situation. If your perception is false, then your emotional response to it will be false too. As humans, we are often wrong. Sometimes we perceive things differently than what they really are. What if our perception to every single situation was positive, all of our emotions would be positive. That's a nice thought. We are completely in control of our emotions, but we just have to double check and make sure our perception is focused in a positive direction.
In fact, sometimes I feel like things get good just so they can quickly turn around and life can look at how vulnerable you are and have a good long laugh.
Today specifically has made me grateful my happiness comes from within myself.
Although outside things can easily effect my mood and perspective, the outside is not my only source of happiness. Today has not been happy, in fact I can't remember the last time I shed this many tears.
I still have many things to be happy about, I have wonderful friends, a loving family, a house to live in, a job, sunshine, a bright future and so much more. Maybe all things eventually work out, maybe they don't. I guess all I can do right now is hope for the best and be glad that I shared a happy month with a happy person.
In the meantime, let's listen to some french music.
I have been a terrible blogger. I always have a problem where I have so much on my mind, I don't know how to share it all. So, I skip blogging all together. But I will try to do a short recap and then hopefully get better at updating this more often! To start off, I graduated!! It has been such a wonderful realization that I will not be going back to high school next year. Now, my future is all up to me, I can go in what ever direction I choose. That sense of independence makes me happy.
This kid, Tanner Williams has made me so much happier, I didn't know it was possible, but voila it happened! :)
The weather has been perfect. There has been quite a few rainy days, but also a lot of sunshine. Resulting in green everywhere and beautiful flowers. I absolutely love summertime in Utah.
Yesterday, I returned from a weekend getaway to Oregon. My friend Katy's boyfriend, Tim graduated. So I tagged along with her. It was so beautiful there and again, perfect weather. One day, I am going to live somewhere that has year round summer weather.
I feel like I have been to a million, give of take a few, graduations this month!
I have been running around like a crazy person all week long trying to get everything ready so I am able to graduate on time. I apologize for this post, it probably makes no sense, considering I have lost my mind. But I have some exciting news! I am graduating in exactly one week from today! I am more than excited, I am ecstatic! Oh and other good news! Levi, Kaya's lover got his mission call today! He is going to Hong Kong China! I am so excited for him. The Month of May has been filled with so many wonderful things, and much more to come! :)
It all started off at the beginning of my Sophmore year when I had this crazy thought pop into my head that maybe it would be fun to join the dance team at my school. Miraculously I made the team. Ever since my love for dance has matured. As all of you all probably know, because I talk about this subject way too much, I went to Folkuniversitetet and was part of their dance program in Linköping Sweden. I believe that is where I fell in love with dance. I am not saying by any means that I am a prodigy or even 'good' for that matter. But it makes me so incredibly happy, it doesn't matter if I'm amazing or not. What matters is I have fun doing it!
My wonderful dance coach and teacher Mrs. Fullmer was the one who really pushed me to start dancing. She encouraged me to stick with it even when I wanted to quit. If it weren't for her I would have a undiscovered joy in my life. If it weren't for her I wouldn't have attended Folkuniversitetet, which means I would have missed out on all the amazing experiences I had there. I would have never met one of the most amazing people I have met in my entire life, Linnea...... Fullmer, I owe you big time.
I am so lucky to have such a amazing mother and friend.
She has been such a great example to me through out my whole life. Always keeping her head high and never giving up. She always expresses she loves me through her actions and words, and never fails to tell me she loves me. There is no way I can express how much I appreciate her and love her. But I really do, she's my hero.
I hope one day I can measure up to be half the woman she is.
